Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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