Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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