Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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