you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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