you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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