Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
