I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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