when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
