she smelled like a LAN party
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
