the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
