I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
where does the pee come out of this thing
im holly from the hills drunk
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
