Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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