I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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