I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
