oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
