Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
