ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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