There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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