We're facebook friends in real life
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
