Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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