One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
