I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
