I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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