i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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