So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
