So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
