I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize