it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
