our cab driver is having phone sex.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
