So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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