Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
