what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
