Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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