You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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