i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
