I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
