Nicole vs. Life
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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