So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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