i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
did i just pee glitter
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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