apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
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She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
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Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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