Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
