u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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