I'm really into asian looking animals
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
