the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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