Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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