actually, I'm a sock model
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
