I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
