im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
