You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We're too hungover to prance.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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