Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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