my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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