idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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