Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I deserve this hangover.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
