ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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