im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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