So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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