My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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