i don't like sucking hair
barbara walters just said penis...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
