I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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