My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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