I wannas sexs uuuuu
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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