I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
