So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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