Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
